fuck everyone.
i want to leave all this behind. not out of hate, not anymore—but out of exhaustion. exhaustion from pretending, from performing. i want to delete everything. all the history. the inboxes, the obligations, the outdated expectations. everything.
i want to change my number. tet the old me die quietly while i start anew. maybe i’ll post pictures of places i’ve been—no me in the frame, no hints, no geotags. just landscapes and skylines, raw and unlabelled. let others play GeoGuessr in real life, trying to figure out where i’ve gone, piecing it together like a puzzle i never intended them to solve.
this past week, something cracked. or maybe it clicked. i’ve realized that this was all a sham. no one really cares. caring about others all the time, its a mistake. i see how i made it because i forgot. i forgot who i am. i forgot where i’m from. i forgot that i didn’t use to give a fuck about any of this. it’s all sailcloth held up by goal posts. the next day its all ripped to the ground. i want to go somewhere that matters. be with someone that matters. someone who makes the noise stop—not by silencing it, but by understanding it. someone who knows what it’s like to carry gold on your back and feel it melt in the heat.
because that’s what i did.
i built wings of gold. i flew—higher, faster, heavier. i broke atmospheres. i smiled through storms. i soared past limits. and the world called it strength. they looked at me and said they were proud. said i was composed. said i had it all figured out.
if only they knew what really goes on inside my head. even for a split second.
the noise. the ache. the weight of being the one who never loses it. of being the one everyone thinks is fine, because you always are.
but i’m not fine. not anymore.
maybe i never was.
I don’t want applause. I want escape. Not to disappear—but to begin again.
Raw:
fuck everyone, i want to leave this life i have, delete everything except this small group i have. change numbers. start a new life. let others play geoguesser in real life.
these past week all i have realised is that this is all a sham. no one really cares. caring about others all this time, its a mistake. i see how i made it because i forgot. i forgot who i am. where i am from. i forgot that i did’nt used to give any fuck about any of this. it’s all sailcloth held up with common goal posts. once those goals are fulfiled its all ripped to the ground tomorrow. i wanna go somewhere that matters. be with someone that matters.
i have built wings of goldand flown further than anyone could ever. when they say they are proud of me. for being so strong and composed. heck they only knew what goes in my mind even for a fraction of a second.